


A Bird, a Cat, and the Devil

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: The Devil Loves to Knit [4]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, crack fic?, super-fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:16:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10017425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: Trixie's new kitten wreaks havoc with Lucifer's knitting, while Lucifer gets saddled with an unexpected roommate -- a bird.Takes place after S2x08.Sequel to "The Devil and the Knitting Group" -- takes place the next morning.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AmyIsARealPhelps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyIsARealPhelps/gifts), [moonatoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonatoms/gifts).



> A huge thank you to:
> 
> moonatoms for all the wonderful ideas and situations! I tried to squish as many as I could in here. Not all of them got in, but I hope you will enjoy it anyway. :D You really should be co-author. o_O
> 
> AmyIsARealPhelps for more plot bunnies and ideas -- not a lot of them made it in here, but some did!
> 
> And for everyone who encouraged me to keep on writing this crazy series. <3
> 
> Thank you, you all rock!!
> 
> Sorry, this has not been beta-ed again! I wanted to get it out fast for moonatoms, who has been waiting patiently for it. All mistakes are mine, and I apologize for them!
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker, Trixie Decker, and Dan Espinoza are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice. Findus and Weaponizer are my creations (although their names are not). :-)

 

 

Lucifer stood on the threshold of Chloe’s apartment, gazing at his partner as she smiled tenderly at him.  His heart pounded furiously as she reached out to touch his stubbly cheek.  A fine shiver ran through him at the soft caress against his skin.  He clenched his hand on the handle of the knitting basket he was carrying for her, nearly splintering it, before he realized what he was doing.

“Detective....”  His voice sounded loud in the quiet hallway, reverberating around him.

“Shhhh.”  She lifted up her index finger and pressed it to his lips, a coy smile on her lips.  “Don’t say anything.”

She took a step forward... then another... until she was right by his side.  Oh, she was so close!  Swallowing hard, he struggled to hold onto his composure.  Calm... he had to stay calm.  He wanted to touch her so badly....

Her hand touched his shoulder as she leaned close to him.  What was she doing?  He turned his head just as she leaned in to kiss his cheek.  Their lips brushed, sending electric shocks throughout him, and his face grew hot from the unexpected contact.  His eyes widened as he stared down into her aqua eyes, so dark with desire.

“Detective....” he whispered, before lifting a shaking hand to cup her soft cheek.  He drew close, his eyes holding hers to see if she would reject his advances.  Her eyes crinkled at the corners and her mouth curved into a graceful smile, just before his lips came down on hers -- gently at first, and then with more ardor.  Oh, she felt so good!

He heard a thunk and realized he had dropped her knitting basket on the corridor floor, but he didn’t care.  The detective was in his arms, and he was kissing her!  Wrapping his arms around her, he deepened the kiss.  Her hands speared through his hair, pulling him closer.  As he chuckled, the music of “Sinister Kid” started playing through the air, growing louder and louder and --

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer woke up with a start, realizing that his phone was ringing.  For a moment he didn’t know where he was.  Glancing around, he recognized his bedroom as the late morning sunshine filtered through the window and illuminated the room.  He was in bed.  Alone.  With the bloody phone still ringing.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he grabbed his pillow and tried to cover his ears to escape the sound, before growing frustrated and tearing the cushion apart.  Feathers exploded into the air as he threw the remnants of the pillow across the room.  He desperately wanted to go back to sleep and recapture his wonderful fantasy with Chloe, but the fleeting dream had taken wing, vanishing like a fine mist burning off in the summer sun.  Of all the inopportune times for the silly phone to ring...!

“Bloody hell,” he muttered as he pulled himself over to the nightstand and grabbed the offending device.  Not even bothering to check the caller ID, he barked into the phone, “What?”

There was silence for a moment before Chloe’s voice came on the line.  “I’ve called at a bad time.  I’ll call back --”

“Detective!”  Lucifer scrambled to the edge of the bed, sitting up while running a hand through his hair.  Even though she couldn’t see him over the phone, he found himself wanting to look his best for her.  Making himself presentable wasn’t hard, since he was the Devil and was always perfect in his naked splendor, but he placed a sheet over his wedding tackle anyway.  “I... I didn’t know it was you.”

“I haven’t called you in the middle of a threesome or foursome, have I?”

“No!”  He took a deep breath and struggled to slow down his pounding heart.  “No.  I... slept in.”

“Late night?”

“You could say that.”  He didn’t want to tell her that thinking about her soft kiss on his cheek had kept him up until the early morning hours.  He hadn’t even been able to knit!  He just sat there in his armchair, grinning like a fool, as he thought of her.  “What can I do for you, Detective?”

“Well, I was wondering if you could come over early today.  I need your help --”

Lucifer perked up.  Chloe needed his help?  He could go and see her, rescue her from whatever dastardly plot life had cooked up, and perhaps get another kiss on his cheek....  And of course, he would turn his head just like in his dream, and get a kiss on the lips instead!  It was too good to be true!

He didn’t even hear the rest of her sentence.  “Say no more, Detective!” he cried, then immediately hung up on her.  Springing out of bed, he dashed to the bathroom to shower and get himself dressed.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

He made it to Chloe’s apartment in record time, knitting basket in hand, for he hoped that after he had vanquished her problem, they could knit side by side on the couch.  Just the thought of spending a quiet evening with her sent warmth flooding through his veins.  A big smile spread across his face as he opened the door and slipped inside.

“Detective?” he called out as he closed the door behind him.

“Be careful!” he heard her cry, right before something hit his feet.  Glancing down, he was surprised to see a tiny brown and white striped furball before him.  And then the monstrous... thing... sprouted claws and started climbing his leg.

“Ow!  Bloody hell!” he yelped as he tried to shake it off, but it was tenacious, digging its claws in even deeper as it scaled him like a tree.  Before he knew it, the thing had latched onto his head and made a home there.  He froze, afraid of those sharp little claws digging into his head.  Damn mortality!  If the detective hadn’t been around, he would have just reached up and forcibly removed the monster....

Chloe rounded the corner and skidded to a stop as she caught sight of him frozen in place.  For a second she just gaped at him, then suddenly started giggling.

He frowned mightily at her, still too afraid to move.  “This is no laughing matter, Detective!  Some wretched creature has taken up residence on my head!”

“Oh, Lucifer,” she managed to say between laughs, before whipping out the phone from her pocket and snapping a photo.

 _“Detective!”_  Goodness, the detective and her bloody phone...!  He was going to have to go through it when she wasn’t looking and delete all the blackmail photos....

Chloe sauntered up to him, her eyes twinkling with amusement.  “Oh, thank you for catching Findus for me.”

His eyebrows furrowed.  He started to cock his head, but the beast tightened its hold on his scalp, so he resisted the urge.  “Findus?”

“Trixie’s new kitten -- Dan got her one while we were at your knitting group yesterday.  Let me help you there.”  She reached up and gently pried the tiny kitten from Lucifer’s head.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Lucifer bent down to get a better look at the nasty monster.  It was a brown and white tabby with striking blue-green eyes, not unlike Chloe’s.  The little creature stared back at him and let out a soft meow.

“Awww, she likes you,” Chloe said and handed the little kitten to him.  He backed up a step and held up a hand.

“Absolutely not.  I’m not a cat person.”

She continued to hold the kitten out to him.  “Come on, Lucifer.  She’s harmless... and she likes you already.  After all, she climbed you.  She hasn’t done that with anyone else.”

“It’s probably just a natural instinct to climb the tallest object she sees.”

“Well, Mister Cynical, _I_ think it’s because she likes you.  Here.”  Chloe grabbed his free hand.  Lucifer stiffened with a gasp, feeling sparks shoot up his arm at her touch, then froze for a different reason when she placed the little kitten in his palm.  He exchanged glances with the kitten until it suddenly started walking up his forearm.

“No no no no!  Get it off!” he cried as his eyes grew round with horror.

The blonde detective rolled her eyes then reached over and relieved him of Findus.  Petting the ball of fur, Chloe suddenly looked concerned.  “I’m sorry -- do you have ailurophobia?  You know, fear of cats?”

Lucifer snorted.  “Please, Detective, the Devil fears no cat.  It’s just that... I don’t like them.”

Cuddling the tiny kitten close to her, she asked, “But how can you not like Findus?  She’s adorable!”

He shuddered.  “No.”

Her eyebrows drew together in a way that told Lucifer she wanted some answers.  “Tell me why.  Is it because she’s cute?”

He rolled his eyes.  “No, although that doesn’t help.  The Devil doesn’t do cute.”  Heaving a big sigh, he placed his knitting basket on the floor, then straightened and pointed at the kitten.  “Cats look like plushy toys, they scratch up the furniture with their sharp little claws, they spray anything and everything with their byproduct... and they have horrible attitudes.”

Chloe’s eyebrows rose.  “You don’t like a cat’s attitude?”

Lucifer shook his head.  “Absolutely not!  Cats know I don’t like them, but do they leave me alone?  No.  A dog would leave me alone.  A bird would leave me alone.  Goodness, even a bloody _cow_ would leave me alone!  But a cat?  No.  The monster would jump on my lap and spread hair all over my bespoke suit.  Completely unacceptable!”

She burst out laughing.  “That’s because they like you!  You should be happy!”

He shuddered again.  “No.”

“Well, Findus likes you,” Chloe said firmly as she set the little kitten down on the floor.  Findus immediately went straight to Lucifer, stumbling over her own paws as she did so, then climbed up his leg and leaped into the knitting basket at his feet.

He wilted as he gazed at the little creature, then back at the detective.  “Tell me, what was it you wanted me here early for?”  He hoped it would have nothing to do with the kitten who was clawing all of his yarn.

“Trixie was invited to brunch this morning by her friend Sophia.  I have to go pick her up at noon -- in fifteen minutes.  I took Findus with me this morning, but the drive back was... well, it got a little dangerous.  Can you watch her while I pick up Trixie?”

No.  No no nonononono --

“How about if I pick up your little one for you?” Lucifer asked with a hopeful smile.

Chloe shook her head.  “I have to thank Sophia’s parents for inviting Trixie, so I have to go myself.”

Desperation gnawed on his insides.  “I can thank them for you --”

“You?”  She laughed.  “Oh no, I’d be afraid of what kind of ‘thank you’ you’d give them.  No, I’ll do it.  Just watch Findus for me.”

“But --”

“Please?”

Bloody hell, the detective was looking at him with big puppy dog eyes, and she knew he couldn’t deny her anything when she did that!  Cursing himself to Hell and back, he felt himself nod.  “Very well.  But you will be back as soon as possible?”

Chloe nodded.  “As soon as I can.  Thank you, Lucifer.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“As soon as I can,” ended up being not soon enough.

After Chloe left, Lucifer made himself comfortable on the couch and laid the knitting basket at his feet.  Picking up his current project -- a cozy for Maze’s whip in a bright yellow yarn -- he got to work.  He figured he could finish it while his partner was away... but little Findus had other plans.

The kitten grabbed the ball of yarn he was working on and started climbing all over it, eventually knocking it onto the floor, where she gnawed on it and frayed all the yarn until it was unusable.  When Lucifer switched colors, she started clawing at the yarn leading to his knitting, making all of his stitches uneven.  Then she jumped on his lap and started batting at the needles until he had to stop knitting altogether.

“Bloody hell, cat, why must you plague me so?” he snapped as Findus curled up in his lap, getting hair all over his bespoke suit, and promptly fell asleep.  Every time he tried to move, the kitten would start kneading his lap, her claws coming perilously close to his wedding tackle.  Not that he was afraid -- as long as the detective stayed away, he was immortal -- but should the kitten start clawing him when Chloe came home... well, he couldn’t even bear to think about _that._

So he sat there unhappily, his mind thinking of all the wicked things he could do to the tiny kitten, while the little creature slept peacefully on him.  Lucifer eyed the yarn in his basket.  If only he could reach his yarn and needles, he could knit the monster some booties to prevent her from clawing him....

By the time Chloe and Trixie came home forty-five minutes later, Lucifer was ready to tear his hair out.  He had been sitting as still as possible for what felt like forever -- not a simple thing for the Devil to do.

“Lucifer!” Trixie  cried as she ran through the door.  Findus woke up at her cry and immediately leaped off of the fallen angel’s lap.

“Oh, _now_ you leave,” he said dryly to the kitten just before the little girl threw herself on him, knocking him against the backrest of the couch.  He cried out with distress as she hugged and snuggled him.  Then, just as quickly, she sat herself down next to him and peered into his basket.

“Whatcha making?”

“I was making a cozy for Maze’s whip, but now I’m contemplating yarn shackles for your little creature.”

Trixie laughed as if he was joking.  “Isn’t Findus cute?”

Lucifer sniffed.  “If you call annoying, stubborn, evil, and diabolical cute, then yes, she is cute.”

The little girl giggled at him.  “You’re funny!”

He rolled his eyes.  “So I’ve been told.”  He cocked his head at her.  “Why did you name your cat Findus?  It’s an unusual name.”

“Because that’s the name of my favorite cat!”  She dashed off to her room to return with a book in hand, called “Pancakes for Findus” by Sven Nordqvist.  Lucifer flipped it open to see a brown and white striped cat in green trousers living with a farmer.  He raised his eyebrows as he handed the book back to Trixie.  “But Findus is male.  Your Findus is a girl....”

“I don’t care!” Trixie said brightly.  “She looks like Findus!”  The little girl dashed off to find her kitten as Chloe approached.

“How did it go?” she asked with a gentle smile.

Lucifer grabbed his needles and started knitting some red yarn furiously.  “I am going to make booties for that wretched creature, and she will wear them if I have to tie them on her.”

Chloe’s eyebrows shot up her forehead.  “That good, huh?”  She sat herself down right next to the fallen angel and threw an arm around his shoulder.  “Thank you.”

He froze, tingles spreading throughout his body at her touch.  Blood rushed to his face, heating it until he felt like he had a sunburn.  She was hugging him!  And oh, she felt so good....  Her warmth against his side made the entire torture with Findus worthwhile.  His knitting needles clacked against each other as his hands shook with excitement.  He slid a glance at her, to see her eyes closed and a tender smile on her face.  Would she mind if he kissed her?  Just as he turned his head, she pulled away, patting him on his shoulder, before rising to her feet.  Lucifer felt disappointment spear through him.  So much for the kiss....

Chloe seemed oblivious to what he had been planning.  “I have to help Trixie with her homework for tomorrow.  You are welcome to stay with us if you like, but I’m afraid it won’t be very interesting.”

 _Any time with you is interesting_ almost came out of his mouth, but he bit it back.  Bloody hell, where had _that_ come from?  Giving her a crooked smile, he said, “I can knit while you help the child, if that’s acceptable to you.”

The radiant smile she gave him made his day.

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

Of course the day didn’t go well.

Findus had decided that Lucifer was her favorite person, and took it upon herself to make his life as miserable as possible.  She chewed off the little booties he had made her, knocked his basket over and chased all of his yarn everywhere, then jumped on Maze’s half-finished cozy and tore it to shreds.  Following that, she proceeded to climb all over him to perch once again on his head -- which he really couldn’t do anything about, since the detective was there and he was mortal.  So he just sighed heavily and tried to knit, although it wasn’t easy with a kitten on his head.  Dan came over in the evening and laughed his head off.

“Oh man, you look awesome,” the douche said as he snapped a blackmail photo of Lucifer.  All sorts of tortures ran through the Devil’s brain as he glared at his nemesis.  “What are you going to wear next?  A dog as a scarf?”

Lucifer glared at him.  “I may have a kitten on my head, but at least _I_ don’t look like I belong in a Heironymus Bosch painting.”

“Oh yeah?  Well --”  Dan broke off and squinted at him.  “Who’s Heironymus Bosch?”

The Devil rolled his eyes.  Leave it to the douche to totally miss his insult.  He decided to go the simple route for the man.  “Douche.”

“Dick.”

Chloe walked up just then and scooped Findus off Lucifer’s head.  “Stop it, children.  I need to go to the store for tonight’s dinner.  Can you both behave while I’m gone?”

“I’ll go with you!”  Lucifer threw his knitting into his basket and leaped to his feet.  “Please, Detective. I need a break from your wretched creature.”

She frowned at him.  “Findus is not a wretched creature.  She just likes you.”

He shook his head.  “No.”

Dan laughed again.  “Take him with you, Chloe.  I’ll stay here and look after Trixie while you’re gone.  Lucifer just can’t handle the heat.”

The fallen angel glared at the other man, with his eyes narrowed dangerously.  “Don’t talk to me about not being able to handle heat -- you have no idea who you’re talking to....”

“Thanks, Dan.”  Chloe grabbed the Devil’s arm and dragged him off before the fight could escalate any further.

Before Lucifer knew it, he found himself stuffed in Chloe’s car as they drove to the grocery store.

“Really, Detective, I could have held my own against the douche,” he complained.

She sighed.  “I know, Lucifer.”

“I’m rather good at insults.”

“I know.”

“Then why --”

She glared at him as she parked the car in the grocery store’s lot.  “Because you were both acting like children.  I have one child already -- I don’t need two more.  Now come on, help me shop for tonight’s dinner.”

Lucifer followed Chloe, pushing the cart for her, as they walked up and down the aisles in the grocery store.  He watched with dismay as she went to the frozen food section and started loading up the cart with packaged food.  He was appalled.

“Goodness, Detective!  Not frozen cardboard food!”

She glanced at him before putting another package into the cart.  “It’s easy and quick.”

He grabbed all of the boxes and stuffed them back into the freezer.  “Absolutely not.  We are not buying that ridiculous preservative-packed food!”  Before she could protest, he gave a good shove on the cart and rode it down the aisle, ignoring her sharp call behind him.

Lucifer swung the cart around to the oil section and grabbed a bottle of the most expensive truffle oil the store had.  Just as he set it into the cart, Chloe pulled it back out.

“We are not buying that, Lucifer.  It’s hideously expensive.”

“But you’re out of truffle oil.  How can you expect me to make you omelettes in the morning without --”

“No.”

He pouted.  “But Detective....!”  She walked away, leaving him behind.  Quickly grabbing the bottle, he put it back into the cart before following her.

Before Chloe could protest, he led them down the cookie aisle and threw three bags of Pepperidge Farm double chocolate Milano cookies into the cart, which she promptly removed.  Lucifer’s shoulders slumped.  He loved those cookies -- truth be told, he had a horrible sweet tooth.  He tried to get her to buy ice cream instead, but she vetoed that as well.

It was when she went down the international food aisle to buy dried ramen that he put his foot down.

“Ramen?!  Detective, please --  Don’t you realize how much MSG is in the soup base?”

Chloe rolled her eyes.  “Come on, Lucifer -- I need to eat something quick for lunch when I’m busy --”

“Absolutely not.  You are not eating a meal that costs thirty-nine cents.  I reject this.”

“But --”

 _“I_ will make you ramen -- fresh ramen.”

Her eyebrows rose as she gaped at him.   _“You?_  You can make ramen?”

Lucifer grinned and cracked his knuckles.  “Of course!  I’m the Devil, my dear.  I can make anything -- but it will take more than what we have here.  I’ll buy the groceries.”

Chloe frowned at him.  “No, you can’t --”

“Why not, Detective?”  When she still looked at him with stubborn eyes, he took a deep breath.  “Right.  Very well, let’s make a deal, shall we?  You keep Findus away from me for the rest of the night so that I can cook and knit, and I will make you the most sumptuous bowl of ramen you have ever tasted.”  When she still looked undecided, he said, “Believe me, Detective, keeping Findus away will be a great boon to me.  I have no intention of being her cat treehouse.”

When she finally chuckled and nodded, Lucifer felt his insides warm with joy.  He hadn’t realized how much he was counting on her agreeing until she gave her permission.  For some reason that he couldn’t explain, he wanted to bring a smile to her lips and feed her good food.  Excitement revved up his heart as he started ticking off the things they needed.  “Right.  Pork belly first -- I make a mean chashu.  Eggs and chicken, scallions....”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

When Lucifer finally got home to the penthouse late that night, his heart felt lighter than it had in a long time.  The dinner had been a roaring success, with all of the humans requesting seconds of his famous Devil ramen.  He lifted his chin with pride -- no one could top his ramen!  And he had been on his best behavior, as well -- he had refrained from pouring a bunch of chili oil into the douche’s bowl, even though Dan had been asking for it with his insults.  The fallen angel knew Chloe didn’t approve of childish pranks -- although he _had_ been tempted.

And he had the extra benefit of not having to deal with the kitten monster, although a few times the little beast had come perilously close to his knitting.  But true to her word, Chloe kept her away from him, and he was able to get a number of things knitted, including Maze’s bright yellow whip cozy and a pair of bright orange/royal blue socks for Trixie.

As he curled up on his bed, a big smile lit his face and he hugged his pillow.  Although there hadn’t been any more close instances of kissing the detective, he still felt happy.  He couldn’t understand it, but he didn’t care.  What kind of wonderful things would happen tomorrow?  He didn’t know, but couldn’t wait to see what surprises the workday would bring.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The next day started off in a fairly normal manner.  He and Chloe had gotten a new case, and went to investigate the murder of a man in a warehouse.  It all seemed cut and dry, but when they went to question the primary suspect, that was when things took a strange turn.

As they sat questioning him in his run-down little apartment, the man suddenly whipped out a gun and pointed it at Chloe.  Lucifer’s heart stopped for a second before beating furiously in his chest.  No no no!  Panic threatened to drown him as he felt the blood rush from his face.  He couldn’t let anything happen to the detective, he just couldn’t --

“Put the gun down, Ramon,” Chloe said, holding up her hands.  “Let’s talk this thing through.”

The man nervously waved the cocked gun at her, his hands shaky and his eyes so wide that Lucifer could see the whites surrounding his irises.  “I’m not going to jail.  I can’t.  I can’t leave Lulu --”

“Come now, we can discuss this reasonably,” Lucifer said as he lifted his hands, then pointed to the gun with one of them.  “Just put that thing down....”

Ramon shook his head.  “No.  No.  I know why you’re here.  It’s because I killed Miguel.  But that’s because he was going to take Lulu away --”

Chloe’s brow furrowed.  “Lulu?  Who is that, your girlfriend?”

“No, Lulu is my pet.  He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Miguel?” the blonde detective asked, trying to follow the conversation.

“No, Lulu!  Lulu is the best thing that ever happened to me!”  The nervous man ran his hand through his hair as he held the gun on her.

Lucifer blinked.  “He?  You named your male pet _Lulu?”_  He shook his head with disgust.  “Come now, man.  Who names their pet -- their _male_ pet -- Lulu?”

“Lulu is Lulu!  I’ve been trying to save enough money to send him back home, but Miguel stole everything I made waiting tables and spent it on drugs!  He said it wasn’t enough, though.  He was going to sell Lulu to a zoo.  I couldn’t have that --”

“So you killed him.”  Chloe took a deep breath.  “Look, you sound like a reasonable guy.  I’m sure we can work something out.  If you just put the gun down --”

“I want to!”  Tears started streaming down the man’s face.  “It was an accident -- I  never meant to kill him!  I know what I did was wrong and I can’t tell you how much I regret it, but I can’t go to jail!  Lulu will never survive without me!”

Lucifer exhaled sharply, and stared hard at the gunman.  He couldn’t afford to have the detective hurt, and the erratic way Ramon was waving the gun made him extremely nervous.  Leaning forward, he asked the man, “Ramon, tell me -- what is it you desire?”

While keeping the gun on Chloe, the suspect looked at Lucifer.  “Huh?”

“What is it you desire, more than anything, Ramon?  Come on, you can tell me.”

“I... I want Lulu to go back home to the Galapagos.  He’d be happy there.”

“Oh.”  Lucifer broke the spell, lifting an eyebrow.  “Is that all?  I’m sure that can be arranged, if you just turn yourself in.”

“Lulu will die if he’s not taken care of properly.”  Ramon started crying harder.  “Promise me, man -- promise me that you’ll keep him yourself until he gets home to the Galapagos, and I’ll turn myself in.  Please!  Lulu can’t live in a zoo -- he’ll die!”  He waved the gun at Chloe.  “Please!”

Lucifer saw no choice -- when it came down to keeping Chloe safe, he’d do anything.  “Very well.”

Chloe glanced at him, shocked.  “Lucifer --”

“If I have to take care of Lulu for this man in order to get him to lower his gun, I will.  Your safety is paramount, Detective.”  He hadn’t meant to say the last part, and felt his face grow hot as she continued to gape at him.  Clearing his throat, he turned back to the suspect.  “I’ll take care of Lulu until I can arrange transport for him to the Galapagos.”

Relief suddenly filled the man’s eyes.  “You promise?”

The Devil nodded.  “I give you my word.”

Sobbing, the man dropped his gun and fell to his knees.  “Thank you, thank you....”

Chloe quickly cuffed him.  As she called for backup, Lucifer asked, “Where is Lulu?”

“In the bathroom -- end of the hall, to your right.”  Ramon smiled at him through his tears.  “Thank you, man.”

Chloe met up with him as he strode down the hall.  “Lucifer, you don’t have to --”

He glanced at her in surprise.  “My word is my bond -- you know that, Detective.”

Worry creased her forehead.  “But Lulu could be a dangerous snake, or a poisonous lizard or something.”

Pausing, the Devil looked down at her, his face growing tender.  “Well worth the risk, my dear.”

For a moment she just looked at him, her eyes full of worry and something else... something he couldn’t name.  Then before he could react, she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank you,” she said as she gazed into his eyes.

Lucifer stared down at her as his heart thumped in double-time and his insides hummed like a hummingbird’s wing.  Without realizing it, his hand rose to touch his cheek, and he turned to look at it with surprise.  Chloe had kissed him on the cheek -- again!  She had kissed him!  His insides danced a happy jig before he realized that he hadn’t turned his head to catch her on the lips.  Bloody hell, he had missed his chance!  He wondered if he could perhaps... kiss her now?

But she had already turned away and was headed toward the bathroom.  “Well, let’s see what we have, then.”

“Let me go first, Detective,” he said, stepping in front of her.  He couldn’t afford to have her bitten by some poisonous creature.  Better it be him instead of her.  Taking a deep breath, he opened the door... and stared.

A little penguin, no taller than eighteen inches high, turned to look at him.  Lucifer could have sworn the bird grinned at him, for it waddled up and wrapped his little flipper wings around his leg, giving him a big hug.  The bird squawked once, then waddled over to Chloe and repeated the gesture.

“Awww, he’s adorable!” Chloe cried, bending down to pet Lulu on the head.  When she picked him up and cuddled him, he snuggled back and gave a happy chirp.

Lucifer couldn’t believe he was jealous of a penguin.  He wanted to be held and cuddled by the detective!  Why couldn’t she do the same to him?  After all, he had just saved her life!  He could just imagine her arms around him as his face nuzzled her neck.  Oh, it would be glorious --

Snapping out of his daydream, he realized Chloe had gone back to speak to Ramon.  With a curse, he scrambled to catch up with her.

“Lulu is really well-behaved,” Ramon was saying when Lucifer entered the room.  “He’s potty trained -- just give him a sandbox and he’ll do all his business there.  He does get lonely, though, and can be stubborn.  He’s a character.”

She stroked the bird’s black back.  “We’ll take good care of him.”

Just then the backup Chloe had requested arrived to take Ramon away.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

And so Lucifer found himself saddled with a very friendly Galapagos penguin.

The first thing he did was rename Lulu “Weaponizer.”  It was too much of a travesty for such a fine-looking bird to be named Lulu.  The fallen angel hoped Weaponizer could help keep Findus away from him when he did his knitting at Chloe’s apartment.

His partner had told him she needed to work on the report for the case, so he brought Weaponizer home to the penthouse.  Placing a little sandbox in the bathroom, he showed the bird where it was and filled his huge tub full of cold water for the little fellow.  The penguin gave a happy squawk and immediately dove into the water.

Lucifer watched the bird’s antics for a while.  When the penguin hopped out and looked at him expectedly, he towel-dried the bird off and let him wander around.  Not wanting to be burdened forever with the penguin, the fallen angel made a few phone calls and called in a favor.  The soonest he could arrange transport for the penguin to the Galapagos Islands was the end of the week, to which he reluctantly agreed.  He hoped Weaponizer was a quiet roommate.

Sitting in his armchair, Lucifer pulled out his knitting and quickly knitted a few sweaters for his houseguest.  One was bright red with the words “Devil Bird” in white.  Another was royal blue and yellow, with a pair of knitted wings on the back.  And the third was an orange and fluorescent green concoction with a Devil smiley face on the front.

Weaponizer just watched the fallen angel knit, content to sit at his feet and preen himself.  Every once in a while he butted Lucifer’s leg for attention, but after a few pats from the fallen angel, he settled down and return to his preening.  Lucifer found the bird strangely restful, and called in another favor for some fresh anchovies to feed to the little fellow.  The bird happily ate his fill of the tiny fish.  Wondering if he was thirsty, the Devil gave his roommate some Scotch.

Weaponizer _loved_ Scotch, but promptly got drunk and wove all over the living room, stumbling over his feet and walking repeatedly into the couch.  Lucifer wondered if perhaps giving the bird alcohol wasn’t the wisest thing to do.  When Weaponizer finally fell over and started snoring, The Devil let the bird sleep it off.

A few hours later, when the fallen angel was enjoying a particularly sensual dream of the detective and himself engaging in rather wonderful sex, something woke him up.  He lay in bed, cursing his inability to go back to sleep.  A strange hum had awoken him....  What was it?  It sounded like... Jacuzzi jets...?  Had Weaponizer accidentally turned them on?

Pulling himself out of bed, Lucifer shrugged on his black robe and padded over to his bathroom.  Sure enough, Weaponizer was splashing in and out of the big tub with the massage jets on.  Water flew everywhere as the little bird reveled in the pulsing water.

“Goodness’ sake,” he muttered at the scene, then leaned over and shut the jets off.  Weaponizer froze and gave him a dirty look.  Lucifer glared back at him.  “No.  No jets.”

Yawning, the fallen angel returned to bed.  He had just crawled between the sheets when he heard the jets come back on.  Rolling his eyes, he pulled himself back out of bed and strode to the bathroom.  Weaponizer jumped in and out of the water happily.

Lucifer turned the jets off.  “No.  You’re getting water everywhere.  Stop it.”

Weaponizer squawked at him, sounding suspiciously like a donkey... or an arse.

Giving the bird a dark look, Lucifer returned to his bed.  He gave a sigh of relief when silence reigned.  Snuggling in his blankets, he tried to return to the wonderful dream of Chloe he had been having... when the jets came back on.

“Bloody hell!” he muttered, then decided to just let it go.  If he got into a fight with the penguin, he’d end up murdering the bird, and wouldn’t be able to fulfill his promise of getting Weaponizer back to the Galapagos.  Sighing, he put his pillow over his head to try to block out the noise, but he kept hearing the jets turn on... and off... and on and off and on and off....

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“And he wouldn’t stop!” Lucifer complained over the phone to Chloe the next day.  “The bloody bird kept turning the jets on and off.  If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was having a rave in there!”

Chloe’s laughter sounded delightful to his ears, even though he was very disgruntled over his roommate’s antics.  “Weaponizer sounds like you.”

The fallen angel did a double-take.  “Like me, Detective?”

‘Well, look at him.  Everyone says penguins wear tuxedos, so he’s well dressed, just like you --”

He preened.  “Right.  I am, at that.”

“He likes attention, like you.”

Lucifer blinked.  “I suppose....”

He likes to party, just like you.”

“Well... true....”  He brightened.  “He does like alcohol, as well!”

There was a long pause on the phone.  “You... you gave alcohol.  To a penguin.”

“Scotch.  Some of my best.”

“You gave Scotch.  To a _penguin.”_

Was he repeating himself?  “I believe I said that.  His tolerance wasn’t as good as mine, though.”

Her chuckle warmed his heart.

“And lastly, Weaponizer has an intimidating name, just like you --”

That caught his attention, and he frowned.  “You think I’m intimidating?”

“Just your name, Lucifer -- after all, you’re named after the Devil.”

“I _am_ the Devil --”

 _“Whatever._  The point I’m trying to make is that even though Weaponizer has an intimidating name, he is a big softie -- just like you.”

Pulling the phone away from his ear, Lucifer gaped at it, then said to his partner, “Detective, I am _not_ a big softie.  The Devil is not a big softie!”

She chuckled again.  “Sure, Lucifer.”

“I’m not.”

“Uh-huh.”

It was clear she did not believe him.  Frowning, Lucifer decided he’d have to do something manly and spectacular to prove to Chloe how much he was _not_ a softie.

Her voice took on a teasing quality.  “I like that you’re a big softie, even though you want other people to think otherwise.”

The fallen angel’s insides melted, and he decided he didn’t have to do anything manly and spectacular, after all.  “Detective....”

And then her voice became all business.  “Uh... I mean, yeah.  Why don’t you come over tonight?  I’ll make us some of that frozen cardboard food you love so much.  Maze is off hunting, so it would just be you, Trixie and me... and besides, Trixie wants to meet Weaponizer.”

Even though he cringed at the thought of frozen food, he found himself smiling at the prospect of seeing Chloe.  “Very well, Detective.  I’ll be there with Weaponizer.”

After hanging up the phone, Lucifer glanced down at the penguin at his feet.  “We have a date!” he told the bird happily.

Weaponizer seemed to grin.

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

Weaponizer was an instant hit with Trixie.

The little girl loved him, squealing when she saw him.  She immediately snatched him up in her arms and snuggled the little bird.  Shameless in his need for attention, Weaponizer happily snuggled back.

Lucifer was interested to see how Findus would react to the bird.  He was counting on the penguin keeping the kitten at bay so that he could do some knitting with the detective later.  Ahhh, knitting with the detective... what could be better?  After asking Trixie to get Findus, he gave Weaponizer a pat on the head.

“Right.  Now remember, you’re supposed to be my attack penguin,” he told the bird.  When he straightened, he was surprised to find Chloe beside him.

“Attack penguin, hmmm?” she said, casting him a teasing glance.

“Well....”  He gestured to Weaponizer.  “He’s larger than Findus.  Surely the little monster would be afraid of him.”

She only smirked.

“Here’s Findus!” Trixie cried as she came running up with the tiny furball in her arms.  When she set the kitten down, Findus took a few tentative steps toward the bird.

If Lucifer didn’t know better, he would have sworn Weaponizer’s face lit up like the sun.  The bird got a strange, excited look on his face and, with a squawk, quickly waddled over to the kitten.  Findus took a sniff of Weaponizer, touching her nose to his beak, before breaking out into a run in the opposite direction.  The penguin gave a honk and waddled off in hot pursuit.

“I... I think he likes her,” Lucifer said with surprise.

Chloe laughed.  “Well, she apparently finds him repulsive.”  She beckoned the fallen angel to the kitchen.  “Come on, you can help me cook.”

Dinner was a happy affair with the three of them enjoying a hearty meal that Lucifer cooked, for he had rejected the frozen food.  Sometimes he wondered if Chloe invited him over just to have him cook for her...?  But no.  The detective would never do such a thing... would she?  Chuckling to himself, he realized that he didn’t mind cooking for her at all.  It gave him more time to be with her.  The fact that being with her filled his insides with so much excitement that at times he thought his heart would explode was something he steadfastly ignored.

There was some commotion from the living room while they ate.  Chloe cast repeated glances in that direction, clearly worried about the havoc the two animals were wreaking, but Lucifer brushed off her concerns.

“Don’t worry, my dear. Findus clearly does not like Weaponizer.  I’m sure they are fine.”

Chloe chewed her bottom lip.  “I just don’t want either of them to get hurt.”

Lucifer took a bite of his food.  “Don’t worry, my dear.  They are just working out their differences.”

Trixie leaned in her chair to try to see into the living room.  “It’s gotten awfully quiet.”  She turned back to the pair.  “Can we keep Weaponizer, Mommy?  Can we?”

Chloe frowned.  “No, monkey.  Weaponizer has to go back home to the Galapagos.  Speaking of which....”  She looked at the fallen angel.  “When _is_ he going back home?”

“Right.  End of the week -- not soon enough if you ask me.”  He rolled his eyes.  “Bloody bird with his bloody raves....”

Trixie giggled, and they went back to eating their meal.

After dinner, Lucifer decided to investigate why the living room had gotten so quiet.  He immediately saw that his knitting basket had been upended, and the project he had been working on -- a colorful Klingon stole for Ella -- had been torn to shreds and fashioned into a nest.  In the center of it, Findus and Weaponizer lay side by side, hugging each other while they slept.  The fallen angel’s heart sunk -- so much for Weaponizer keeping Findus out of his knitting.  The penguin opened one eye to peer at the Devil standing over him.

“Traitor,” Lucifer said softly.

Weaponizer merely closed his eye, tightened his flippers around the kitten, and went back to sleep.

“Awww.  They’re in love!” Trixie whispered as she and her mother came up beside him.  He glanced at them, then waved at the pair curled up in his ruined project.

“This is unacceptable.  He’s a bird.  She’s a cat.  They shouldn’t be in love.”

Chloe smiled at him, her expression warming him from the inside out.  “And yet they are.”

Lucifer snorted, trying to hang onto his ire despite his heart pounding at his partner’s proximity.  “Still unacceptable.  The penguin is a bloody prat.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Trixie said with a grin.  She grabbed her mother’s arm and tugged.  “We gotta keep Weaponizer now, we just gotta!”

“Weaponizer can’t live here, baby.  He needs to go home and be with his own kind.”

The little girl pouted.  “They’ll miss each other.”

Chloe gave her daughter a hug.  “They’ll be okay.  Now go on, you have homework to finish.”

After Trixie ran off to her room, the detective glanced up at Lucifer.  “They _will_ miss each other, you know.  Findus is still young -- she’ll grow out of it.  But Weaponizer?”

The fallen angel thought about it for a moment, trying to put himself in the bird’s place.  How would he feel if _he_ got sent back to Heaven?  After all, it was what Mum wanted so badly -- for all of them to go back home.  Would he be able to forget Chloe?

_No.  Never._

Shaking off that sudden thought, he put on a brave face for his partner.  “Right.  He’ll be fine,” he said bracingly.  “You’ll see.  Once he’s back with all the other lovely penguin ladies, he’ll be all right.”

“I wonder.”  She draped an arm across Lucifer’s shoulders and leaned against him as she looked down at the bird and cat.  “You can’t stop the course of true love.”

Lucifer stared hard at Chloe’s averted face before he rested his cheek on her hair.  “No, I suppose not.”

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

After that night, Weaponizer and Findus were inseparable.

When it was time for Lucifer to leave that night, both animals put up such a ruckus that the fallen angel was forced to take the little kitten with him, as well as the penguin.  It horrified the Devil, but what else could he do? Trixie happily agreed to let him take Findus just so that the little furball could be with the bird.  Lucifer rolled his eyes at the mismatched pair and took them home.

Unwilling to leave the two animals alone in his penthouse for fear of what they might do to the place, Lucifer found himself housebound.  He went a bit stir-crazy, but since he knew it was only for a few days, he bit the bullet and tried his best not to go insane.  The detective and her daughter came every night to keep him company and admire the two animals.

Weaponizer was very protective of Findus, often standing guard over her when she napped.  They also slept cuddled next to each other in whatever knitting project Lucifer was working on -- which they invariably destroyed.  Despite the frustration he experienced every time his knitting was targeted, the fallen angel knitted the little kitten some green trousers with suspenders, much like the book character she was named after, which seemed to please Weaponizer.  He squawked at Lucifer and nodded his head up and down.  The Devil just looked at the silly bird like he was daft.

Whenever Weaponizer ate his anchovies, he fed some to Findus, picking up a little fish in his beak, then carefully placing it in the kitten’s mouth.  Chloe and Trixie found it adorable.  Lucifer thought the penguin was a ninny.  The bird also tried hard to impress the kitten by showing off his swimming skills in the bathtub, but she just sat on the sink counter and yawned.  It was just more proof to Lucifer that Weaponizer was a complete and utter ninny.   Watching the antics, the fallen angel rolled his eyes and hoped the weekend would come.

And then Saturday came, and it was time for Weaponizer to go home.

Separating the two animals proved to be very difficult.  Findus cried and cried while Weaponizer finally started acting like his name, pecking at Lucifer and beating on him with his little flippers as the fallen angel fought to get him into the travel crate.

“Bloody hell, don’t you understand?” he snapped at Weaponizer after the penguin slapped him in the face with his flipper.  “You’re going home, you silly creature!”

Lucifer finally managed to get the ornery bird into the crate and locked the metal gate.  Dusting off his hands, he straightened his clothes and looked at the detective.  The little kitten in her arms had finally stopped crying and just looked... forlorn.  His stomach churned at the sight, but he hardened his heart.

“I have to do this,” he told Chloe.

She nodded, her eyes somber.  “I know.  It’s just sad.  I’m glad Trixie is out with Dan today.”

Lucifer glanced at the travel crate where Weaponizer was peering out, looking as heartbroken as the kitten, and squawking piteously, to boot.  “I gave my word.”

She nodded again.  “I know.”

“He can’t live here, anyway.  He needs to be with his own kind.”

“He does.”

“He’ll be happier there.”

“I’m sure he will be.”  Chloe gave him a tender smile.  “You’re doing the right thing.”

He frowned at her.  “Then why doesn’t it feel like it?”

Guilt clawed at Lucifer, but he took a deep breath and lifted the crate by its handle.  He had to get moving before the research plane to the Galapagos Islands took off without its passenger.  “Will you be here when I get back, Detective, or will you be going home?”

Chloe petted the little kitten in her arms.  “I’ll take her home.  Maybe a change of scenery will help.”  She gazed at the fallen angel.  “Goodbyes are always hard.”

“Indeed they are.”

Walking up to his side, Chloe tugged him down and kissed his cheek.  “You’re a good man, Lucifer Morningstar.  Come join us for dinner when you’re done,” she said before walking away with Findus.

Lucifer stared after her, stunned that Chloe had kissed him _and_ tried her best to make him feel better.  For a long moment he just stood there in his penthouse, touching the spot on his cheek that she had kissed, as he watched her disappear into the elevator.  His insides felt like Jell-O as warmth spread all throughout his chest.  Touched by her kindness, his face softened and he smiled tenderly.  There was no one like Chloe -- no one!

A squawk shook him out of his reverie, and with a jolt he remembered that he had a plane to catch.  Glancing down at the bird, he said, “Sorry, old boy, but you have to go home.  Try not to think too badly of us, yeah?”

Weaponizer let out a shrill, keening cry as the fallen angel carried him to the elevator.

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

Lucifer walked into Chloe’s apartment, expecting to see Findus scamper up him and take residence on his head, but it was surprisingly quiet.  Quickly closing the door behind him, he set his knitting basket on the floor and called out to Chloe.

“Detective...?”

Trixie came dashing around the corner and barrelled into him.  “Lucifer!” she cried, hugging him.

He let out a distressed yelp as he held his arms away from her.  When he realized she was snuffling into his vest, he frowned.  Taking her by the shoulders, he pried her away from him just far enough to look into her face.  Her eyes were puffy and red... and leaking.

“Goodness, child, whatever is wrong?” he asked, concerned.  He glanced around, looking for Chloe.  “Where is your mother?”

“She’s in the kitchen, cooking dinner.”  Trixie looked up at him with sad eyes.  “I miss Weaponizer!”

“Yes, child,” he said as he awkwardly patted her back.  What did one do with a child who was crying?  Panic filled him.  He was not good at this.   _He was not good at this!_

“Come, let’s sit,” he said, leading the child to the living room couch.  He sat her down, then took a seat beside her with some room in between.  Trixie was having none of it -- she promptly scooted next to him, flung her arms around him and snuggled into his side.  Lucifer bit back another yelp and froze, feeling much like he had when Findus had taken up residence on his head -- helpless.

“We had to give Findus away,” the little girl mumbled into his suit jacket.

The fallen angel’s brow furrowed.  “Whatever for?”

“She kept crying and crying for Weaponizer -- she really missed him!  Maze came home from her hunt and couldn’t stand the crying.  She threatened to eat Findus if she didn’t stop, then went to see Doctor Linda to deal with the headache Findus was giving her.  Mommy had to give her away to Ella.”

“Ah.  Ms. Lopez.”  Lucifer nodded.  “A good choice.  I’m sure she would let you see Findus whenever you like.”

“I know, but....”  The little girl wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.  “I still miss both of them.”

“I know.  I miss them too,” he said as he patted her awkwardly, surprised to find that he _did_ miss the odd couple.  They had been frustrating and infuriating, but also... sweet, and -- although he’d never admit it to the detective -- adorable.  Feeling terrible about his part in splitting up the unlikely romance and making Trixie sad, he said, “Right.  What can I do to make you feel better?”

The little girl looked up at him with hopeful eyes.  “Chocolate cake?”

Ah!  Now here was something he could do!  “Very well.  I’ll take you and your mother out for dessert after dinner.”

“Yay!”  Trixie dashed off, and Lucifer finally started feeling better.  As he stood, he caught sight of Chloe leaning against a nearby wall, a smile on her face.  How much had she heard?  A strange sense of alarm filled him -- he hoped she hadn’t heard that he missed Findus and Weaponizer.  It would just reinforce her belief that he was a big softie....

She straightened off the wall and walked toward him, looking beautiful in her white shirt and leggings, with her golden hair down around her shoulders.  Lucifer felt his heart thump faster at her approach.

“Thank you for making Trixie feel better,” she said when she reached him.

“Y-you’re welcome,” he said as her nearness sent a flush rushing to his cheeks.

“Did Weaponizer get off okay?”

He nodded.  “Indeed he did, Detective.  He’s on a research plane bound for the Galapagos as we speak.”

Chloe smiled, sending excitement bursting through the fallen angel.  “I’m glad.”  She reached out and straightened his lapel.  “You constantly surprise me, Lucifer.”

“I do?”

“You do.”  With that, she leaned up and kissed Lucifer on the cheek.   _Again!_  His breath hitched in his throat as a fierce joy caught him around his chest and squeezed.  It was like he was floating on air -- as if he had just lit a million newborn stars in the sky.  The indescribable feel sent him reeling with euphoria.

His mind became complete mush -- he didn’t know what to do.  Why hadn’t he turned his head so that they would kiss on the lips?!  He had lost his chance again!  So... now what?  Should he... kiss her back?  No... too forward.  Maybe... hug her?  No. Just stand there?  Yes.  No!  Maybe...?  What did humans _do_ in a situation like this?!

But as he stood there, frozen with indecision, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it.  “You’re a good man, Lucifer.  I’m looking forward to getting dessert with you and Trixie after dinner.”

“S-so am I,” he managed to say as he stood there like a bloody prat and tried to figure out what a typical human would do.  He struggled to put on a sophisticated air.  “What --”  His voice broke, so he tried again.  “What’s for dinner?”

“Your favorite -- frozen food.  It’s in the oven now.”

He pulled a face, causing her to laugh.  Releasing his hand, she started to head for the kitchen.

At last he found his voice.  “Detective --”

Chloe turned.  “Yes?”

“Maybe... maybe we can knit together on the couch afterwards?”

She gave him a beatific smile, full of grace.  “I’d like that.”

  


________________________________________

  
  


The penguin waddled onto the rocky shore and glanced at all the other birds surrounding him.  He hadn’t seen this place in a very long time, and though it had once been home to him, it no longer felt that way.  Oh, it was wonderful to have such a large expanse of water to swim in and food was abundant, but it wasn’t _home._  His heart wasn’t there.  It was three thousand miles away, held by a certain fluffy companion who he loved and missed dearly.  Even though their time together had been short, he had completely lost his heart to her.

He didn’t want to be here.  He wanted to be there, with her -- where he had been happy.  Determination glinted in his eye.  He knew what he had to do.

Jumping into the frothy ocean, he started the long, perilous journey toward Los Angeles.


End file.
